You are born with a compass—your gut. Like anything else, your gut gets better (as in, more accurate) with practice. You have to train it. This means listening to yourself, making decisions to the best of your ability based on instinct, even when you’re not totally sure. Sometimes you will get it wrong and sometimes you will get it right, and both will contribute to your growth. If you’re really stuck, ask yourself—what would you tell your best friend to do?
Lay out all the beliefs you have about yourself. Take a good hard look. What was planted in your head a long time ago and gotten stuck? What is true? What are you using as an excuse which deep-down you know you could do something about? Hanging on to old beliefs becomes comfortable. It means we don’t have to go to that scary place of admitting that we have the power to change. When we admit we’re able to change, we become responsible for our lives, which means we’re the ones in control. I dare you to get out of your own way.
Stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. They are not thinking about you. Or they are thinking about you 60% less than you imagine. This is because (like you) they are busy worrying about what other people think of them. This goes for comparing yourself, too. That person who looks like they have everything figured out is dealing with their own set of issues that you just can’t see from the outside (aka their Instagram).
Sometimes things don't work out even when you do everything right and are being the best version of yourself. Some things are bigger than you and you will not understand them. We are not meant to get everything right, and we are not meant to understand everything. Learning to let go is just as important (and often harder) than learning how to persevere.
Stop judging other women for their choices: the way they live their lives, how they mother their kids, their choice to not have kids, to wear short skirts or ugly sweaters, to post selfies or to be loud, to have their own version of womanhood that is not the same as yours. The way other people live their lives is none of your business. Bitching about other women does not make you bigger than them, it makes you small. You have far more important things to spend your energy on.
Setting boundaries is a process of figuring out what you’re willing to accept, actually sticking by it, and constantly raising the bar for yourself. Start asking yourself: What am I willing to accept? Establishing boundaries comes with understanding the gigantic-but-very-hard-to-distinguish-difference between having high standards for yourself and striving for perfection. Call me if you figure it out.
It is OK to care a lot. It is OK to feel all the feels. It is OK to not be so tough all the time. Please stop being so hard on yourself. Be strong enough to show yourself some compassion.
Not everyone is going to like you. No matter how nice, well-intentioned, or agreeable you are. Do not kid yourself into thinking that the more you give of yourself, the more you mitigate the possibility of people not liking you. Your purpose in life is not to get everyone on your side, or to be responsible for everyone around you. Do not mix up serving people with saving people.
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