How often should you have sex with your partner?
When sitting on the floor in my living room last week, surrounded by three of my closest friends and bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, the inevitable ‘girlie’ question soon raised its ugly head: “So, how often are you getting it?” Sex.
How often are we all having sex? The question came from my smug newly-in-a-relationship friend, who swiftly announced she was ‘doing it’ at least twice a day.
What followed was a stunned, uncomfortable silence. My hands went clammy. I looked over at Jules (my single friend) and watched as she nervously pretended to be intrigued in the evening news on TV.
Eventually I gave in. “Er, probably 3-4 times a week. What about you Jules?” It was evil but the buck had to be handed to her.
“Yeah, every other day I reckon.” We all knew we were lying.
For a start Jules hadn’t had a boyfriend, let alone a shag for a year. I’d also had limited sexual action (thanks to a holiday which meant the man of the moment was out of the country). Nonetheless, we all nodded in sisterly solidarity over the fact that yes, we were all (apparently) getting lots and lots of sex.
But that evening whilst lying in bed I couldn’t help contemplate what had happened earlier.
Why do women feel the constant need to compare their sex lives with each other? Why do we lie, exaggerate and glamorise every aspect of our sex life when really it’s, well, ...normal?
One week I might have sex once, the next week I might (if the mood takes me and the man is available!) do it every day.
I’d been contemplating this whole issue for a while now when I bumped into a friend of mine who is still friends with my ex.
He, she informed me, now has a new girlfriend. “Don’t worry though darling, apparently they don’t have even half the amount of sex he had when he was with you.”
This, I guess, was supposed to make me feel good, powerful and well, sexy, but instead it made me wonder what they were doing instead. Where they lying in bed holding each other in their arms lovingly until they fell asleep, were their glamorous social lives so jam-packed they simply didn’t have enough time for sex or maybe the new girl is just so damn good at it that she wears him out in one session... and they have to wait another month until they have the energy back to do it again.
See where I am going with this?
Comparison will never make a woman happy. So, stop sitting there and wondering if your best mate got laid last night whilst you were painting your toenails. Who cares? As long as the sex you are having (or not having) is exactly how YOU want it then that is really most satisfying thing you can experience (bar an orgasm with Brad Pitt!).
So tell us (if you don't mind us asking)... how many times a week are you getting it?
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